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The bully no one talks about | The Self Esteem Builder

A child bullying their parents is a common occurrence in today’s world. Often parents don’t realize their child has taken control. When realization sets in, the parents are dumbfounded and left asking themselves, “how did this happen and when did they loose their parental control to their child?”

 

When we became parents, we had hopes and dreams of how we perceived parenthood is going to be. Than slowly, reality set in. It was not as easy as we thought it would be. The shock wakes us up from that misty dream, and we find that we have lost those parenting reins. It is hard work! Why weren’t we told? Where is the manual? When the worry sets in; it is a constant. What if our child becomes the victim of bullying?

 

We do not think about our child BEING the bully and it is even less likely that the parents would think that their child would become THIER bully.

 

Without the parent’s realization the child has seized control. When the child engages in this behavior power and dominance, is gained over the parents. This behavior change shows that there is something far greater going on with your child. Before this happens most parents deny its existence. The behavior is so intense, that the parent will ignore it in hope that it will improve on its own.

 

There are several reasons why this can happen, such as being dethroned after a birth of a sibling, and/or abandonment. Bullying is the child’s way of expressing themselves, causing the driving force of their bullied behavior.

 

The different types of bullied parents:

The Guilty Parent

      This is when you blame yourself for your child’s problems.

      Often comparing yourself negatively to other parents

      Apologizing to your child

The Anxious Parent

       Worrying obsessively about your child

        Always thinking of the worst case scenarios

       Anticipating your child’s rejection

Fix Everything Parent

       Seeing your child unhappy hurts you deeply

       Prevent your child from being hurt

       You’re more into your children’s grades than they are/and more active

 

There are three different types of child bully’s:

The Defiant Bully

       Scared of your child’s anger and dread their random outbursts

       Child constantly testing you

       Blackmail you

The Anxious Bully

       Feels like they are on the verge of a nervous breakdown

       Needs constant comforting and reassuring

       Obsesses over their worries, has high anxiety and terrified of speaking in class

The Manipulative Bully

       An excellent liar

       Has a history of stealing

       Knowing how to exploit your fears

 

For more details pertaining to each type please see http://www.seangrover.com his book is an awesome read.

 

Bully’s use manipulation to dominate for their lack of self-esteem and fears to obtain their wants and needs from their parents by controlling their environment. By taking notice of the manipulation, taking a stand and giving no room for change, the parents must be firm and take a stand, while ensuring that your tone of voice coincides with the message.

 

Be firm, don’t give your child an opportunity to give their opinion, but once this has happened turn around and walk away.

 

Parents need to ensure that they are clear in the message that they are sending to their child. Clear expectations of boundaries are necessary. The parents should stay calm and take a much-needed stand. The creation of leadership in the family unit promotes a clear understanding of the expected behavior. Creating a medium in which energy can be released is of the utmost importance not only for the child but for the parent as well. “Studies show that 30 minutes of cardio exercise, three times a week, reduces anxious/depressive symptoms of up to 70 percent. The child will think clearer and sleep better after workouts because they discharge tension stored in their bodies”. The child should engage in three to five sources that will be a good outlet. It should be things that the child loves to do. If they are not engaging in any activity the child may feel isolated. Ensure your child has a strong relationship with a mentor, teacher, or family member with whom they can confide in and inspire them.

 

Now the parents can start to put the pieces of the puzzle together to create a whole picture. This can be done after the parents have addressed their own issues within themselves and then they can start breaking down the wall that their child has created. The child bully needs to be tackled head on, by standing up, knowing their reasons. By taking notice, you can slowly build a strong, healthy relationship once again by regaining control and taking back the parental reins. Counseling is highly recommended to regain your family dynamics that was once dreamed of. Once this has been implemented then the child can start enjoying childhood again.

 

If you thin you are being bullied, you need to stand up to them and take back the control in your life!

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